It's just been over a week since the Ironman and I still find myself in disbelief.
It is hard for me to believe that I crossed as many miles as I did. The experience has humbled me, but at the same time it has empowered me.
You really have nothing to lose in life as long as you try.
Even though I did not finish, the experience was still significant and I can already feel the effects of it on my life. I find myself a little more decisive and honest with my decisions. And I don't find myself doubting much around me.
We try so hard to keep a tenuous hold on reality as we fail to understand that it is constantly shifting, evolving, changing. We cannot hold onto things that change. And change is inevitable. Sooner or later, reality will tear away from us and we are left with nothing but hopes and dreams that will never be.
I could have ended my Ironman 1 mile into the event. Once my leg cramped, I could have asked the lifeguards to pull me out and take me home. My day would have ended then and I still would have had a good story. My comfort zone was disrupted and I spent the next 10 hours pushing through the desert looking for a good place to quit.
But I didn't. I kept pushing. Hopes and dreams would not be lost on that day.
I didn't finish. But I didn't quit.
In the end, my decision to pull out was based on health reasons--when you can't breathe, there isn't much you can do. Because of that, I don't sit around and wonder what would have been. No, there is no need for that when a lot had been done.
I will return to Ironman in 2008. It might be Arizona, it might be another event. I'm not sure at this point, but I will give myself a little time.
Ironman requires a commitment that I cannot put into words. It requires more time than you can imagine. And for the moment, I would like to focus on a few neglected parts of my life.
This will be the final entry on this blog for a while. I will continue to share my thoughts and feelings on my main website at www.andrewmaz.net
. And there is much happening at www.andrewmaz.com
as well. So if you wish to know what the neglected parts of my life are, visit those sites.
Do not be alarmed by my failure to commit to another Ironman at this point.
If you spent 10.5 hours in the desert by yourself, you'd want a little time to catch your breath and catch up with yourself.
I will cross the finish line.